Antonio Gonzalez - Our Dear Friend

My final recital at the Banff Centre last March.

From left to right: Cheryl, Fred, Antonio, myself, Eugene and Catherine

Antonio Gonzalez, playing bassoon on "Pretty Girl" at my final Banff recital, a moment which brought tears to our eyes as it was too beautiful for words to describe.

Antonio and Vincent partying it up in downtown Banff


Antonio and myself after one too many drinks!

This is rather sad news for those of you who were at the Banff Centre last winter.

Our dear friend, Mexican bassoonist Antonio Gonzalez, passed away last Friday. This news came as a surprise as I was not aware that Antonio was ill. My heart stopped when I read the news. Antonio was far too young to die. I still can't believe that he is gone.

For those of you who didn't know Antonio, this post probably doesn't mean much to you but to those of us who knew him, he will be sadly missed. Antonio was one of those most beautiful people I have ever met, one of those folks who brought sunshine into every room he entered. He was also one of the most amazing bassoonists I have ever heard. Antonio had the most gorgeous sound and played with more passion than I have ever experienced. He also had a way of giving me goosebumps whenever he played. He did a bunch of recording with me while we were in Banff and although I have never shared the recordings of what we did due to my own insecurities of my vocal performance on it, I think it's important to share it with you now. I have posted one of the recordings on MySpace, the song, "Pretty Girl" which is a song about losing my best friend last winter, my dog Sadie. Antonio recorded this song in the studio with me and later performed it with me at my final Banff Centre recital, a moment which brought tears to many people's eyes. It was a moment I will never forget.

Not only was Antonio an amazing musician, he was also a good friend. He was a wonderful listener, a spontaneously fun friend and really knew how to have a good time! I will never have another shot of tequila without thinking about him. Maybe it has something to do with those many bottles of tequila he brought with him from Mexico which got us all in the fun party mode every time! So many amazing memories. I shed another tear...

I will miss you Antonio but wherever you are, I know that where you are is now a happier place to be because of your presence. : ) So long, my friend and we'll meet again, some other time, some other place. Rest in peace.

Love Rozalind

Life Does Turn Around, Especially When You're in Seattle - Part Two

Laura Gibson performing at the Sunset Tavern

Adam Selzer, main singer of Norfolk & Western

What a fantastic night. Yup, it does make a difference to just get yourself out there experiencing new things sometimes. Not only did I get to listen to some amazing live music last night, I got to meet some wonderful people from the Seattle indie music scene. None of that would have happened if I hadn't gotten myself out of the house and stepped outside of my comfort zone.

Last night, I went with my Seattle friends Courtney and Peter to a show at the Sunset Tavern. Portland's Laura Gibson and Norfolk & Western were performing as well as a band from Seattle called The Stares.

The night began with beautiful Portland songstress Laura Gibson blowing us away with her intimate and goosebump inducing set of songs for voice, classical guitar, musical saw, violin, banjo, trumpet and keyboard. Laura was magical and impressed me with her gentle, modest and inviting approach to performing. Her bandmates Peter Broderick and Cory Grey were such sensitive musicians who played gorgeous arrangements to Laura's songs. They complimented her performance and added much magic but without ever taking away the spotlight from Laura. It was something magical to experience and it reminded me that we CAN play music that is mostly melodic, beautiful and mellow and still fully captivate our audience. It's all about the music and how you approach the audience.

I spoke with Laura after her performance and offered my flutistic services at a future show. She told me that she's never tried flute out on her stuff before so now I'm extra excited to be the first flutist to collaborate with her. When she gets herself to Canada, we're going to try something out at a live show. Can't wait as I think Canada will love her.

Then a Seattle band called The Stares played a gorgeous set as well. The female vocalist who also plays keys had a voice that turned heads, especially on one song which I only wish I knew the title of as it really stood out from all the rest. Apparently they have a new CD coming out soon and I'm excited to hear it when it's released.

And then there was Norfolk & Western. These folks blew me away in every way. I especially loved the unique and captivating vocals of Adam Selzer and the fantastic drumming of Rachel Blumberg who just happens to be the ex drummer of the Decemberists. I always admire female drummers as I think it takes a lot of guts to play that role in the indie scene. Rachel was amazing and was everything I would look for in the ideal drummer for my own music. It especially blew me away when she picked up the banjo for a song! I was also taken back by multi instrumentalist Peter Broderick who played so many instruments last night, I wondered whether there was anything he couldn't play! These folks did an unbelievable set that had everyone in the audience excited. I expect to see and hear a lot more from these fine and talented musicians.

And you know what really impressed me about these folks as well? They were really friendly people. I went up to Adam Selzer at the end of the night, letting him know that I'd love to try flute with them sometime and asked if there was any way that I could buy one of their CDs with Canadian money. He said yes to both! That warmed my heart. Thanks a bunch Adam if you're reading this. : )

I also have a really good feeling about the indie vibe in Seattle, especially the folks I met last night. When I smiled at people in the bar, they smiled back, and with a warm and genuine smile! It warmed my heart to feel so welcome in a new city and a new scene. I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time in Seattle over the winter. It's only a three hour ferry ride to get here from Victoria afterall.

So you see, things really do turn around if you just put yourself out there.

I am so excited to see what happens next as I continue my fun visit in Seattle. I'm sure there will be many crazy moments. I'm going to see Jonathan Richman perform on Monday! I can't wait...

Life Does Turn Around, Especially When You're in Seattle

So I know I'm supposed to be sharing all those revealing stories from my past four months of touring but that's going to have to wait for another rainy day. I'm too much of an optimist to be whining about what's wrong in my life and I'm learning that life does turns around if I'm patient enough to let that happen. Today is a good example of that.

I had gotten myself really down in the dumps over the past few days. My last post is an example of that. Guess that's normal when you've been on the road for this long and when you're feeling stuck. With all the darkness that I was feeling, I was questioning why I was pursuing a life as a musician. With an industry that is so harsh and so competitive, especially to it's emerging artists, I was losing faith that I had a special place in it. I was ready to give it all up as it all felt too damn difficult and I was tired of struggling.

It was at that moment that I remembered what one of my musical mentors said to me last winter in Banff. She explained that life as an artist can be such a huge sacrifice and that there would be many moments when I would want to give up. She explained that as I continue to climb the success ladder, I will feel lonelier and lonelier towards the top and that many people will want a piece of my success and will do anything to get it from me. She explained that I will make people react more and more, that I will make many enemies without even knowing what I did wrong. She said that I will see the ugliest sides of people and that people will let me down when I least expect them to. She told me that it is important to always keep going in those dark moments and that I must believe in myself. I think we all need to be reminded of that stuff sometimes and it was comforting to be reminded of her words.

Well I thought long and hard about what she said yesterday and decided to take control of my life, to turn things around for the good. I did and it was easier than you think.

I looked online at Seattle's weekly, The Stranger. Checked out the concert listings and started checking out the websites of so many artists that I knew nothing about. It was really fun to do and got me all excited about discovering a bunch of new artists and a totally new music scene. Seattle's just buzzing with important musical institutions, especially for indie music. This is the home of Sub Pop Records afterall, a label I dream of being signed to.

Through my curiosity, I discovered an American indie folk artist who I had never heard of, the beautiful indie folk songstress from Portland, Laura Gibson. I immediately fell in love with her music as soon as I heard her stuff on MySpace. She reminds me a lot of Eastern Canada's Julie Doiron.

Then it hit me... I thought about all those moments when I just put myself out there and true musical magic came of it, like the recent moment in Edmonton when I ended up performing flute with Raising the Fawn. And even though I don't have an American cent to my name and have no idea how I'm getting to Laura's show tonight, I've already sent her an email to offer my flutistic services and am really excited about seeing her show.

Who knows what will happen tonight but I've lifted my spirits just by deciding to put myself out there. I'm also confident that tonight's show will be a fantastic one and that many new musical friends will be made by the end of the night.

This Crazy Life That I Live - Chapter One - Where Do I Begin?

This Crazy Life That I Live – Chapter One – Where Do I Begin?

I just finished watching the movie “Almost Famous,” the revealing movie about what it’s like to be on the road as a touring musician. It’s so honest in it’s portrayal of the touring lifestyle that it’s almost scary. Nothing like being on the road for a while to show you the most ugly and nasty sides of people and of the life we live.

And now I sit here alone in a house that’s not my own, on a couch that’s not like the one I own and in a neighborhood that I don’t know. Just two more weeks to go and then I finally get to go home for the winter months. I can’t wait. I may have chosen the life of a musical gypsy but I had no idea that it would ever feel like this and now I’m questioning why I’m putting myself through this mess. Is it really worth it? I was searching for those answers when I put on that movie tonight and now all I’ve got are a whole bunch of new questions.

I write to you from Seattle. Just another place to crash along the road, another couch to sleep on and another bunch of sleepless nights to get through. My suitcase rests in the corner of the room and my instruments beg to be played as they restlessly sleep in their unopened cases. I crave the familiar yet only the unfamiliar exists.

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep. Too many thoughts are rushing through my mind and I just wish the world would stop for a bit so that I could finally catch up and take a moment to breathe. There’s nowhere left to hide and nowhere left to run. I feel lost.

I quit smoking a few weeks back. Part of my goal to living a more healthy lifestyle yet I wish so badly that I had enough American money to buy a new pack so that I could just numb my mind for one more night and not have to deal with the current reality which faces me. I’m alone, I’m exhausted, I’m broke and my heart is so fucked up that I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to fix it. I can’t help thinking that this is the perfect moment to reflect and write about what’s happened over the past four months of touring on my own across Canada on that Greyhound bus. It’s been one hell of a long ride.

What you are about to read my friend is not going to be pretty nor will it be flattering in regards to the current state of our music industry. Not everyone is going to be happy with what I am about to share but those who get it will understand why I’m sharing it and they will admire my courage. Hopefully a few of us will even learn from it. Heck, I’m sure a lot of you will probably relate to a lot of the madness included in these pages. Eventually it’ll be included in the book that I am writing. Life has been that crazy and now its time to share it with you.

So where do I begin? Anyone who has spent lots of time on the road can relate to my current dilemma as I begin to type my thoughts out late into the night. I mean, is it a good idea to reveal the truth about what it’s like out there or should we keep it all a secret in order to avoid hurting anyone? I’ve decided to share it all because really, I have nothing to hide.

More to come…